I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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