Only a mothe r could love this liver
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
