This is not my ceiling
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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