i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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