sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
