I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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