Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
