I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
