He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
