I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
