sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
