You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
