My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
