I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
