pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
