Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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