Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
