Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
