WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize