you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
