i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
