Im at strip club and am horny
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
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She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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