There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
