when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You pole danced in your parka.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
