I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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