6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
