i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Randomize
