So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dear god my vagina.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
