ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize