Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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