The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
