my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
