good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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