he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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