We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
