I got chris browned last night
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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