Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
