she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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