I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
