Betty ford says i'm here all night
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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