when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
