my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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