You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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