I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
