theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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