i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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