Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
