you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
