someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
