I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
