you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
