So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
